The Because Of Your Concern Dept.

Iwant to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use glad wrap or plastic in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle and infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the testostrones they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Oh yeah, lets not forget the most recent; I can no longer use the washroom at the mall because someone is hiding in the stall waiting to rob me and take all my clothes leaving me butt naked (picture that) to run for help.

I will now return the favour.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin - and he's a lawyer.

2 Comment(s):

Jillene said...

Isn't Target based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA?

rachel said...

I can lighten up your day.
You may drink Pepsi. All those cans were recalled.. or something. Either way they did put it on there..
yay! pepsi yay?