Question

Is it feminine for a guy to use a 'His or Hers' Hers towel or is it just me?

I'm Here Somewhere

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What's the deal with this photo that I bothered to put it here?
This photo was taken in New Zealand at Parachute Festival during Jeff Deyo's sessinon. I am somewhere in the crowd, see if you can find me. Don't scroll down until you find me.






Give up??
(Scroll down)






If you guessed right well done!
And for an extra $200 do you know where my 3 friends are?
Scroll down for the answer when you think you found them

There they are! Good to know that friends stick together!
Sorry, Cheques will not be honoured.

The V8 Road Trip











The V8 Supercars rolled into town today. I went and checked it out and I took my V8 Supercar Yearbook from 2004 (Basically it has a lot of pictures and a detail review of every race from that year). I got a photo with Jason Bargwanna. And Todd Kelly and his brother Rick Kelly were there also and they signed the page with Marcos Ambrose standing as champion (The first 2 photos).

Chick Flicks & Flick Chicks

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My sister is watching a chick flick. What is with that?

I made a comment about you know that its going to be a bad movie when all you hear is annoying girl bands in the sound track. My sister was really angry (What did I say?) and she said the stupidest thing: "If you don't stop it I'll switch it off!" What does one say or do in this situation? Basically I saw a door that was wide open and basically anything I said or done as a reply would have been perfect or would have got an thundering applause with fits of laughter.

Why is it that guys know that chick flicks are bad but will still sit through them? Guys believe that if they don't watch it then their girlfriend will automatically dump them - I'm still waiting to see if this is true or just an old wives tale.

Sport to guys is about as exciting as shopping and handbags is to girls.

Caption This

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Place a witty caption in the comments below

Dear Future Mike

I got a email today from my past self:

(this message was composed on Tue, Jul 5, 2005)

Dear FutureMe,
Hey dude, whos in this years AFL Grand Final. Please don't tell me that Collingwood is going to make it! Please tell me that Richmond are in!

Today is Tuesday.
On Saturday I'm going with the Youth to the football then Planet Shakers. I think Richmond winning in Melbourne will shake the planet enough.

(Visit www.futureme.org to send an email to your future self)

I Think I Died, Why Am I The Last To Know?

I found the perfect way to fake my own death. Just confuse me with someone else. This is weird seeing my name here. I saw my life flash before my eyes - it was only 2 seconds.... I would actually love to go to the funeral of a Mike Elliott to actually hear what people will actually say and to hear them over use my name there.

Here's the real official press release:

St. Paul, MN, August 21, 2005 Mike Elliott, a versatile and highly accomplished guitarist revered for his work in jazz and country music, passed away at his home in St. Paul, Minnesota on September 14, 2005 at the age of 65.

Elliott had been seriously ill since suffering a heart attack in January 2005. Mike is survived by his wife Francena Elliott, who was by his side at the time of his passing, and step-children Stephanie Noel and Natalie Page of Dallas, Texas.

Born May 18, 1940 in Chicago, Mike studied guitar as a teenager in Colorado under the legendary Johnny Smith. His long career included extended periods in the Twin Cities, where he played and recorded with the influential jazz group Natural Life, and Nashville, where he was a studio musician, producer/engineer andcongruityr on hit country recordings. During his Nashville years (1982 – 1997) his many accomplishments included serving as music director for the great Nashville producer Jack Clement, contributing a song to John Anderson's triple platinum album “Seminole Wind,” working on staff for Gibson Guitars and writing instructional jazz books for the Hal Leonard publishing company.

As a jazz guitarist, renowned critic Leonard Feather considered Mike to be one of the very best. His versatility on guitar led to performances with the Toronto Symphony, road work with Victor Borge, recordings with Johnny Cash and much more. A devoted and brilliant educator, Mike presented guitar clinics with people like Les Paul and taught countless students from beginners to Bela Fleck. Although Mike had some health insurance, he had spent most of 2005 in the hospital and his family is left with staggering medical bills and other expenses.

Donations to help cover expenses can be sent to The Elliott Family, P.O. Box 211256, Eagan, MN 55121-9998. A benefit and celebration of Mike Elliott's life will be held on Sunday, October 16 at 3:00 p.m. at the Artists' Quarter, 408 St. Peter St. in downtown St. Paul..

Never Again

Usually each of us have a life time opportunity to do something that we would do in a flash. I guess yesterday was one of those days.

I promised my two nephews that I would take them to see Wallace and Gromit at the cinema. They are a 4 and 6 years old. We caught the early session. For the past 24 hours up to the time we decided to go the kids kept asking me "Are you taking me to see Grandma & Vomit?". If you didn't think that was funny enough then what the oldest asked will shock you. Please don't see this as sick or obscene, I'm only saying it in the innocence of the kids. I was asked "When we go to see Grandma & Vomit, can we get some copporn?"
"Some popcorn?"
"Yeah"
My biggest worry was that as we were going to walk past the popcorn machine that he was going to say it like that. But that was the only time he didn't.

Before we left the kids were given a fruit bar and a little water. They had to have a "Pit Stop" (Toilet stop) so there wasn't the notorious 'I need to go to the toilet' half way through.

We got a bit of the way through the movie and they had finished their fruit bar and water and they wanted what I had. I didn't eat anything!! I still got what I took. Every 5 minutes I heard "I'm hungry, can I have some copporn? I'm Hungry!!" Then I heard the phrase that no person wants to hear: "I need to go to toiwet". Thanks a lot!!

After the movie we went to Hungry Jacks (equivalent to Burger King - just the name has changed). I headed for the cash machine. As I'm making my transaction there was a familiar question "HEY, CAN YOU DO ELMO?" I looked around and here was some guys from our school outreach. They know I do voices so I didn't want to disappoint my fans so I said "Elmo needs money, because Elmo loves Hungry Jacks."

I didn't even know why the heck I was in Hungry Jacks. I didn't even know what the point was.

After that it was home time for the kids because I had work.

Well that's about it.

I should go and return the kids to their owner.

That was my day seeing Grandma & Vomit

Video Proof Of Ghost For You Non-Believers

This is by far the best video footage I have seen of a ghost.

** Read BEFORE Opening Video Clip**

Strange - but very interesting was intended to be an automobile commercial to air in Great Britain. However, when they finished shooting the video footage, they noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a white mist. The ad never ran on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon.

Watch (closely) the front end of the car as it clears the trees in thee middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing the car and then, following it along the road Spooky! Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide.

If you listen to the audio feed, even hear commentators talking about it near the very end of the commercial. It's creepy but pretty cool.

Ghost Car video

Nursery Rhymes are Stupid

There is something that just occurred to me. That is the way nursery rhymes don't make sense. Look at what I'm talking about:


Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are


Read that last line again! This doesn't make sense YOU'RE A STAR!!!!!
First of all it acknowledges that its a star, secondly its wondering what it is. What, is the star suddenly going to boom "I'm a Fireman you idiot!?" I can't understand for the life of me why parents, teachers, and anyone else would teach kids such utter dribble to begin with.


Ok, here's another one:
Baa Baa Black sheep have you any wool
"Yes sir, yes sir 3 Bags full."

Hello, doesn't sheep have wool but the moron that is asking the sheep a question has to state the obvious. Its like asking someone if they have any skin. SHEEP HAVE WOOL! "No I don't, I've just been genetically modified to be a walking garden, I grow carrots." Another thing about that is that the sheep goes on to talk about who the wool has been given to. The last time I saw a talking sheep was on the movie BABE. Heck, kids are going to believe that sheep actually talk! Sheep have a brain the size of a ping pong ball, so I don't think that its got enough brains to know where its wool's going and to know where the little girl who lives down the lane lives.

Well that's about it, when I think of more stupid nursery rhymes I will put it here...

Donald Trumps Dog

My Brothers Manky Finger

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Ok, here's a gross photo of my brother's finger... He sliced it on an industrial pumpkin cutter at work - DOH!!!.
So I don't give little kiddies nightmares, I've taken the liberty of linking the photo in my photo album instead of someone opening this page and being confronted with something from a horror movie.
P.S - Any comments received will be passed onto my brother.

Question For The Viewers

Ok Viewers, I have a question for you.

Which one of the following would you prefer:
A. To have a national holiday named after you?
B. To have an Island named after you?
C. To have a Sundae named after you?


Place your response in the comments below and give some details and include the name of it and describe what it would be like.

I'm Gonna Be The President



My first duty as President will be to bring back Seinfeld

Millenium, Here We Come

Im booking my house out for the next millenium... anyone want to be here to be the first to see the sun rise on the next millenium?

My Friends

Today my good friend Ritchie Cunningham and I decided to stop at a fantastic restaurant called Arnold's. It was old fashion service with an old fashion smile.

While I was in there you won't believe what happened. Immigration came and took the Asian owner called Arnold away. His Visa had expired apparently. I think Arnold's is going to shut down and me, Ritchie, Ralph Mouth, Potsi, and Fonzi will have to go some where else.

I heard that McDonald's will be taking over Arnold's joint. I can't work out why - there's enough of them around.That was my day

What A Trooper

Last night I found my old Storm Trooper outfit from when I was in Starwars episode 4. The first Starwars. You are probably wondering which Storm Trooper I was. I was the one that bumped his head as he came through the door into the room where C3PO and R2-D2 was. It hurt like hell.

What you will never see or hear is that it knocked me out and I got a bad concussion. I was rushed to hospital and they released me later on in the afternoon. Unfortunately it kept production on hold that they got a replacement storm trooper. It was my clone. Remember Starwars Episode 2 - Attack of the clones? (this is the one before the first Starwars). You have no idea how far fact separates itself from fiction. You see I was one of those clones. George Lucas wanted the authenticity of real clones and I nominated myself for the cloning program.

My other clone lives in America and works for Donald Trump. He got his break after Donald Trump saw him as one of the rejects in the crowd on American Idol. Unlike my other clone counterpart, I can sing.

alright, so I don't have any proof of any of this. I don't have proof that I was the guy under the helmet. But I did end up getting this photo of me on the can. This was taken like over 20 years ago. I was at one of the secret scene locations for starwars. I was taking a toilet break for goodness sake and they found out where I was and walked right in and took this photo. I chased after the guy and proceeded to bash the crap out of him and I took his camera and got this photo developed.

Enjoy!

I'm Bored

For the past month, I have been making a toilet out of lego. I have just put the last brick on my lego toilet today. I guess I was bored. Its life like. Now I gotta incorporate some plumbing.

Jujubes

One of my clients who I've been working with for over a year has a friend on the net. His friend knows how much I like Seinfeld....

Anyway about a month ago I was around there and he says to me "Mike I got a suprise for you and its in the box." Here was a box of Jujubes. Yep just like on Seinfeld - It was on the episode where Elaine stopped for a box on her way to the hospital to see her boyfriend. And there was another one where Elaine was talking with her mouth full and trying to tell her boss something on "The Opposite" (Season 5 - Ep 22). This made my day that a packet of Jujubes would come all the way from America to Australia.

My Pet Peeves

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Here are my pet peeves in no particular order

  • That stupid crazy frog
  • That there was only 9 Seasons of Seinfeld when they should've hung around for 10.
  • Simpson repeats
  • The fact that no matter how big a bag of M&M's you get, its not enough
  • Know alls
  • Being put on hold on the phone
  • Aussie Soap Opera's
  • Big Brother
  • People that don't use initative and just rely on God to do it and say "If its God's will..."
  • The fact that everytime a TV show is moved forward an hour its always on at a special time
  • That there are no decent comedies on TV anymore
  • That the Goodies are no more
  • That they are so darn slow to bring out the rest of the Seasons of Seinfeld on DVD.
  • The sound of finger nails across the blackboard

All I want is some clean underwear

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Whether it's boxers or briefs, two Houston women are working to give Hurricane Katrina survivors a fresh start with new, clean underwear.

"You can wear someone else's blue jeans or shirt, but you need your own underwear," said Kay Barbour who, along with Robin Nichols has organized a drive to collect the items for thousands of people who fled Louisiana or were evacuated to Houston.

The women set up collection boxes at a chain of fast food outlets, rallied their friends to the cause and dropped off 1,944 pairs of new underwear at the Salvation Army distribution center in Pasadena, a suburb of Houston.
They were all gone within two or three hours.

For the many who have lost everything, "a new pair of underwear is symbolic of a new start," said Dee Smith, the center's operations director.

Barbour and Nichols hope to encourage others to join their drive which they have dubbed "Drop Yer Drawers" for Katrina Survivors. The Buffalo Wild Wings restaurants in Pasadena, Pearland, and Clear Lake will take donations through September 18.

"It's been incredible," Nichols said. "People have made it personal, wanting to know what sizes are most needed or bringing in sizes similar to what they wear. Kids are coming in with bags of children's underwear."

Smith said the Salvation Army center had helped more than 600 families with clothing, shoes, food, personal hygiene items, baby needs, toys, household goods and more.
"But the one thing that has proven the most wanted is the one thing that is the least in supply -- new, clean underwear," she said.

My Dog Is Stupid

My dog is stupid. Her name is Katie. I think I've talked about her.

This photo on the right is her next to my mum.
Katie doesn't like me. It might have something to do with the fact that about 3 years ago I was going to take her for a walk. Katie loved her walks except for some unknown reason 200 metres was too far to walk so she decided to limp. Yep, she lifted her right rear leg and started limping. Actually a good thing came out of this, at the same time a girl about my age walked past and gave a sigh and said "Oh look at the dog, she's hurt her leg." I thought "Dang the dog is setting me up with this girl" but for some unknown reason I said "No she pretending and she wants me to carry her." and the girl gave a laugh as she walked off. I picked her up and started carrying her and it dawned on me: "Why the heck am I feeling sorry for the dog? Its an attention seeker!" so I put her down and she didn't want to walk any further but just sat there on the path until I picked her up and walked home.
Now fast forward to 3 years later:
I got the leash out and she got excited coz she knew she was going for a walk. The problem is that she didn't want me to take her, she wanted mum to. This is what was going on in her mind:
"Oh boy, that loser has brought Mum the leash so she can take me for a walk."
I put the leash on her and she just sat there because there was no way she was coming with me. So I handed the leesh to Mum and straight away Katie went into 'Walkies Mode'.
Another thing is that the dog only comes to me if it wants a drink or go outside for Number 1's or 2's. How stupid is that?

My Goals

I have alot of goals. You can see them on the right at the bottom. I got 43 there but its not quite enough... There are alot of things I wanna do while I'm here on Earth. I've tried to put them in order. Here is the top 12 here.....

  1. get married
  2. watch every episode of Seinfeld from start to finish non-stop
  3. clone myself and sell him on ebay
  4. Fake my own death
  5. get abducted by aliens and remember it
  6. Learn to dance really cool
  7. Bash a Starwars nerd
  8. Take Kenny Kramers reality tour in New York
  9. Learn to speak fluent gibberish
  10. spread the word that 'door hinge' does kind of rhyme with 'orange'
  11. Grow a mullet
  12. Stop saying CRAP so much

How will I go about doing these? I don't know... I'm quite interested to see what would happen if I fake my own death... hmmm watch this spot...

My Checkout Operator was WHO???

I was in the shop today buying some Coke and a Sandwich for lunch. I recieved my reciept and I realised who my checkout operator was

Google hires 'father of the Internet'

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Google Inc. (Nasdaq:GOOG - news) said on Thursday it hired Internet pioneer Vinton Cerf to become its "chief Internet evangelist," the latest high-powered engineer to sign up at the Web search leader.

Cerf, 62, is widely known as the "father of the Internet" for his role in developing the TCP/IP standards that form the structure of the Internet.

He was hired away from telecoms company MCI Inc. (Nasdaq:MCIP - news) and tasked with helping to develop new Internet applications for Google. MCI is in the process of merging into Verizon Communications Inc. (NYSE:VZ - news).
"The title is amazing," Cerf said in a phone interview.
"It's Chief Internet Evangelist, which suggests I should go from three-piece suits to some sort of ecclesiastical robes."

Cerf, who as a child was raised as a Congregationalist, quipped that his religion is "geek orthodox."

He grew up in Southern California. He was an undergraduate student at Stanford University and went on to co-develop the Internet's basic protocols with Bob Kahn in 1973. Cerf has remained an active inventor for more than 30 years.

He developed MCI Mail, an early commercial e-mail program between 1982 and 1986 then left to work on a digital library project with his colleague Kahn that involved an intellectual property rights protection system.

For the last 11 years he has been working on Internet infrastructure projects at MCI. Moving to Google will allow him to return to developing applications, a Google executive said.

"We expect Vin to work on new applications, to worry about where the Internet is going, and how to keep it healthy," said Bill Courghan, 52, a vice president of engineering at Google.
"These are all things which are good for Google," he said.
Since 1999, Cerf has served as chairman at Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers.

He has acted as a peacemaker in an organization riven by controversies over the constitution of its authority by Internet activists, domain name entrepreneurs and governmental organizations outside the United States.

He said he hoped to retain the role in ICANN and avoid any appearance of a conflict of interest. Google serves as a registrar of Internet domain names and technically has business interests governed by ICANN.

Cerf joins other high-profile engineers Google has hired recently. These include Adam Bosworth, Google's vice president of engineering, known as one of the pioneers of XML, for Extensible Markup Language, which ungirds many modern Web applications.

Louis Monier was an early developer at AltaVista, which was the Web's most powerful search engine in the early years of the commercial Internet. Mark Lucovsky was part of the team that developed Windows NT at Microsoft Corp. (Nasdaq:MSFT - news), while Andy Rubin was a founder of Danger Inc. which developed the Sidekick Web phone.

"These people just don't know you can't do that. So they just go out and do it," Cerf said of working with a generation who came of age in the Internet era. "That's the great thing of working with all these new folks."

Look at my robot name

Mechanical Intelligent Construct Hardwired for Assassination and Efficient Learning

Crikey, Look At The Size Of That Thing

TARENTUM, Pa. (AP) -
Crocus, a 2-foot pet alligator escaped from his backyard enclosure, but was captured by a girl who used what she learned on a nature TV program.

Nicki Hilliard and several friends saw the animal swimming in the Allegheny River.
Hilliard said she learned how to catch the animals safely by watching the television show "Crocodile Hunter." The secret is to grab the animal's snout and hold its mouth closed.

The kids put the animal in a beverage cooler and took it to the police station, where it was locked inside a cell until owner Belinda Thomson arrived to claim it.

Thompson said neighborhood cats opened the fence in her back yard, enabling Crocus to escape.

Its Me

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Its Me!
G'day From Australia!

My Message Board

I have a brand new message board... come visit and sign up to THE POOL ROOM

An embarassing story

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I have always had injection phobia and the fear of getting a shot has even caused me to pass out from the stress. In the 7th grade, it was "shot day" and the nurse would periodically call out names over the intercom informing the unlucky ones of their impending doom. I wasn't paying real close attention when the next name was called, but the girl in front of me got up, left the room and was gone for a suitable length of time. When she came back, the room was very quiet and I spoke up (so everyone could clearly hear me) and asked her if it hurt much. She gave me a really strange look and the teacher seemed outraged that I should ask such a question. Everyone else just snickered. At that point, the teacher politely pointed out to me that my fellow student had just returned from the john.

Ask A Clown

QUESTION:
How many balloon animals do you make at a given time? And do you do the muppet voices when you dress up as a clown for the parties?

ANSWER:
I can do about 1 - 2 balloons a minute, and you could imagine if there is is like 30 kids at a party how long that would take. And yep I do the muppet voices at the party - probably more Elmo than anything. Here's a photo of a dog I made... actually part dog part giraffee (a gog or a diraffee).


To ask Mike a question, or if need some advice, or if you have a topic that you want to discuss Click Here

A Christmas Gift

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I got an early Christmas gift from my friend Stevie Wonder. How nice of him to think of me! He's a bit too early.
I wonder what I should get him?

The Greatest Photo Ever!


This is purely the greatest photo ever! I'm going to make up some crap on my fake blog about this one

Send In The Clowns

One of my skills is doing clowning for birthday parties, Christmas break ups, huge events... anywhere actually a clown is needed. Why? I don't know.

I've been to so many birthdays that I feel like I'm 200 years old. No matter where I go its always different and always amusing. Some of the highlights including getting lost because some parents needed a clown for their precious 2 year old. That party was like 90 mins away. I had no idea where I was going, yep I was late but the instructions were written in fluent gibberish with a crayon. That was probably the worst party.
My clown name is "Cobber" I think I'm gonna change it to "Captain Cobber". Why that name? well I have a friend who always calls me Cobber which is Aussie slang for Friend or Mate. Mainly old farts in the over 30 age bracket use that. So I tried it and it worked.
Not all parties are bad. Most of them are cool. People actually pay you to have fun and to eat their food when they offer. What more could you ask for? I just done a party last week for friends of mine. Yep another 3 year old party. One thing they didn't tell me is that their son may freak out at the sight of a guy wearing face paint and looking all goofy. When a kid screams, you know that you've warn out your welcome. Some kids take their friendship to serious because there will always be one or two 'smarties' who will play a game called "Lets see if the funny clown has 'clown jewels'". Kids wanna see if they can get a clown angry. But since you're being paid $100 an hour, you gotta act like you've taken 10 bottles of prozac before you got in your car to drive to the party.
One of the coolest things I ever done was to be involved with a huge day where they were raising money for the prevention of youth suicide. Basically all the people there had donated their time, services, and an arm and leg for a cause. All these stars like Harold from Neighbours, and a few other celebs like some from Big Brother and other Aussie shows were there. There was a room out the back with all this food drinks FOR FREE! we hung around there. And we got to hang out with Harold. My clowning companion went up and hugged him.
Later on during the day it dawned on me that people there were seeing me as a Celebrity like Harold. Why didn't I have my own signing? Well some kids did ask me for my autograph. That was the coolest thing that has probably happened to me. We got interviewed for Channel 31 which is a public access TV station. I realised when I had seen that channel later on that at the late night hours of 1 & 2 am that your TV turns into a fish tank because thats all thats on that channel - WE WERE GONNA BE ON THE FISH TANK CHANNEL!
Another event that stands out in my mind is one of the first ones I done for the Austar (Pay TV) road show. They had all these characters in costumes that you wanted to tackle (Very Tempting). There was an Austin Powers cardboard cutout with a motion activated device on it which means everytime you walk past it it would say "GROOVY BABY" or "DO I MAKE YOU HORNY BABY, YEAH!" that was amusing!
Well I could go one with more stories but I'm probably wasting your time so maybe some other time, ok? Oh yeah, just incase your wondering, yep thats me in the photo.

Photo Of The Moment


Youth Alive, Melbourne Australia
I'm not a professional photographer, just do it as a hobby. I wish I had a decent camera. There was 15,000 young people at the Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne (The same place as the Australian Open).

10 Best Puns

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A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." Theother says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a rootcanal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself tohis birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband thatshe wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They'retwins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowersfrom the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. Hewent back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed theirstore, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they didso, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from badbreath. This made him ..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....Asuper calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A Question About Escargot

QUESTION:
Why on earth would anyone want to eat escargot? And who was the really strange/or drug altered person who first decided to try one of these slimy things out?

ANSWER:
Because some people are Psychopaths! Snails belong in the garden not on a plate!
Hope that answers your question
To ask Mike a question or if you have a topic that you want to discuss Click Here

The Coolest Gift Ever

My friend came back from holidays and look what he got me. Pretty neat huh? Now I don't have to worry about rewinding my DVD's. Thank God, about time I was sick of sitting there waiting for them to rewind now I can be doing other stuff.

I've tried CD's and it works just as well.

A Dizzy Question

QUESTION:
Mr mike y dose the world sipn 1 way but if ya spin the other way u still get dizzy??? hm year try and answer that 1........

ANSWER:
Its because when the world was created some big giant dude in a space suit pushed the world one way and thats why we go one way. If the earth spun around much quicker than we spun around on the spot then we wouldn't get dizzy. The key is to spin at a slower speed than the earth. Unfortunately no one has actually wasted their time to find out if its true or not because scientists are busy creating more seedless fruits so you're going to have to take my word for it.

To ask Mike a question or if you have a topic that you want to discuss Click Here

My Friend

My friend has a certificate in forgery but I don't know if its real or not

A Toasty Question

Question:
Why does bread, bagels, or english muffins need to go the toaster twice in order to get golden brown?...Why not just once?

Answer:
I thought that once would do it. I didn't know that you had to put it in twice for it to go golden brown. I thought if you put it in twice it would go 'golden black'.




To ask Mike a question or if you have a topic that you want to discuss Click Here

Kilts Vs Pants

Mark H wanted me to discuss the topic of Kilts Vs Pants.

Personally I think that if a guy wears a kilt he looks like a girl. Everyone knows that girls wear skirts. Skirts aren't shorts, its a dress. I don't care if they have a scottish accent or not. I skirt is a skirt and you can call it what it is.

Guys, if you wanna show your legs, put on some shorts. I don't understand how girls find guys attractive in a 'kilt'. Is there something I'm missing? Its un-masculine
Thats just what I think anyway!
To ask Mike a question or if you have a topic that you want to discuss Click Here