Mike's Words of Wisdom

Here are my words of wisdom for any situation.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Mike I am your father... I think..

My folks recently gave me a whole heap of stuff from when I was a kid... Stuff like my old He-Man action figures and my old He-Man movie. Why do I need that stuff? Like my folks think that I want to relive my childhood again.

Something else that was given to me was my photo album from when I was a kid growing up. From age 0 - 5. Elena loved them but I didn't. How am I suppose to get excited about seeing myself as a 4 year old with a worse haircut than Donald Trump? What do I want my photo album for and what do I do with it apart from letting it gather dust on the shelf?

Inspired by an episode of Seinfeld (The one where George has the house to himself and he brings a woman to his folks house and she see's a photo of George as a baby but the woman thinks its George's home), I thought that I'd get one of the photo's of me when I was 4 years old and take it to work with me and pretend that 4 year old me is actually my son. The only problem is how I'm going to explain the really aweful haircut that looks like it was inspired by Moe's hair from the Three Stooges. What was my folks thinking? (I don't remember my folks even remotely being interested in the Three Stooges.) Now this whole 'scam' of faking my 4 year old son has got me thinking how far I could take it before someone catches on. Maybe the conversation could go something like this:

"Hey Mike, thats a great photo, is that your son?"
"It sure is" *Cue fake laughter*... Then it got me thinking: What if I had a photo of Elena too and I could take both of our photo's to work and pretend that they are our "Kids"?

I'll let you know if I even pursue this idea and how it works out.

Hypocrisy in the Church

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Perhaps you have felt justified in either avoiding or rejecting the Christian faith because of some instance(s) of disgusting hypocrisy that you have encountered in those identifying themselves as Christians. If so read on, as we offer four key responses to the line…

"Hey, I would never be a Christian. I mean, look at all the hypocrites in the Church!"

“Well, we'd be glad to move over—there's always room for one more. And furthermore, if you ever find the perfect church, please don't join it. You'd spoil it.”

Does that response strike you as a being a bit too smart-alecky? Perhaps so, but before you totally discount it, consider the point that is being made. Is this not a case of the pot calling the kettle black? Are not four fingers pointing back at you as you point at the Church? Are you not a bit like the father who once screamed at his teenage son: “Kid, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times—don't exaggerate!”

“You're right. There is far too much hypocrisy in the Church. And there always has been. But it's certainly not being condoned.”

An honest admission here may hopefully clear the air enough to make it evident that there are many men of integrity in the Church boldly crying out against hypocrisy today. Ravi Zacharias is one key evangelical church leader who has said, “The Bible's condemnation of hypocrites is clear. The Bible also clearly pledges that God will judge hypocrites (Matthew 24:51). God is more angered by hypocrisy than we can ever be.”

Addressing 10,000 itinerant preachers and evangelists in Amsterdam in the summer of 2000, Dr. Zacharias then went on to challenge his listeners with these words: “Why is it that a community that talks so much about supernatural transformation shows so little of that transformation? We will have to be men and women who embody the message that we are preaching, whose lives are faithful to the claims we are making.”

“Since when do you allow hypocrisy to determine your affiliation and participation?”

We've all heard of medical quacks—but have you you stopped going to the doctor? There have been news reports of hamburger contaminated with E. coli—but have you stopped eating Big Macs? Jonathan Pollard and Benedict Arnold were phony, hypocritical Americans—but are you planning to leave the country?

And where would you go anyway? With what faith would you ever align yourself? Certainly there are also hypocritical Hindus, Muslims, and Buddhists. Even atheists. Like the fella who once participated in a formal debate with a minister. The atheist clearly out-debated the clergyman, but the minister was declared the winner because at the end of the debate, in a sudden flush of victory, the unbeliever shouted out: “Thank God I'm an atheist!”

“You're right—the Church is not perfect. But Christ is. Fasten your eyes on Him.”

Cliff Knechtle in his book Give Me an Answer, © 1986 IVP writes: "We all either try to hide our bad sides or we try to make them look good. But deep inside we all know that we fall short of living the way we know we should. No one can escape the charge of "hypocrite"—no one except Jesus Himself. He is the only One who has lived up to God's standards; the only One who has perfectly lived what He preached. Only through…Christ can we escape the penalty due our hypocrisy… By living within the security of Christ's love, we are free to peel off masks and to become real, honest people."

Ruth Bell Graham, wife of international evangelist Billy Graham, shares the true account of a young college student from India by the name of Pashi who once told her, "I would like to believe in Christ. We of India would like to believe in Christ. But we have never seen a Christian who was like Christ." Ruth Graham says that when she consulted Dr. Akbar Haqq about what might be the best response to Pashi's challenge, Haqq answered decisively, "That is quite simple. I would tell Pashi, 'I am not offering you Christians. I am offering you Christ.'" —Decision, 10/2000, p 39